Does this define me?
Being diagnosed with cancer is a wild thing, the first reaction, well at least my first reaction was to think what did I do in my life to have such a horrible thing happen to me? Then I thought, many kids are diagnosed and surely they didn't hurt anyone to deserve such a destiny. So I pretty much put the karma thought out of my head.
As this process goes on I am beginning to think that I am nothing but a cancer patient. This defines me. I hate that but I have come to find that everyone that surrounds me has forgotten that I am a person first and I have other interests, passions and thoughts. I am grateful that everyone is concerned with what is going on with me medically but there is more to me then cancer, have they all ready forgotten the person I used to be, what am I saying the person I still am! I am so relieved that there are a few people in my life that remember Meg, the Meg that is deep down inside below the tumor, the port and the toxic medication, what would I do without the Grasshopper and Mr. Mental Massage. You guys know who you are! I am forever grateful to you.
For those of you who define me by my diagnoses, I still really do appreciate all the love, prayers and positive energy so here is a song that I have always felt was written with me in mind just so you remember who I am!
BITCH
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
Please remember this is a process I am going through and I don't mean to offend anyone or lessen their impact on my life and recovery. I just have to express how I feel. Thanks for understanding!
As this process goes on I am beginning to think that I am nothing but a cancer patient. This defines me. I hate that but I have come to find that everyone that surrounds me has forgotten that I am a person first and I have other interests, passions and thoughts. I am grateful that everyone is concerned with what is going on with me medically but there is more to me then cancer, have they all ready forgotten the person I used to be, what am I saying the person I still am! I am so relieved that there are a few people in my life that remember Meg, the Meg that is deep down inside below the tumor, the port and the toxic medication, what would I do without the Grasshopper and Mr. Mental Massage. You guys know who you are! I am forever grateful to you.
For those of you who define me by my diagnoses, I still really do appreciate all the love, prayers and positive energy so here is a song that I have always felt was written with me in mind just so you remember who I am!
BITCH
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
Please remember this is a process I am going through and I don't mean to offend anyone or lessen their impact on my life and recovery. I just have to express how I feel. Thanks for understanding!
posted by Meg at 10:57 AM
6 Comments:
Now I have you on the radio when "Bitch" plays. I like your writing, your frankness, your daily toe in and toe out of the water approach to what fails to define you. We're the same age and maybe that's why I appreciate. Your wisdom dove. And that's who you are; what you know and understand.
my thoughts are with you.
-g+bb
I think that (some) peoples treatment of you comes both from their concern and from their fears. They do care, and they want to be supportive, but they are still "processing". This blog is one way to tell the world what you need (a good DH perhaps ;-)?). Hopefully, those people won't define you by your cancer once they have let it all sink in. I can't see how anyone who knows the cult of your personality could do that!
Yours in service ...
Just another exercise in objectification, my dear. It feels like people paint you into a box because we do. Our minds are not able to think any deeper than our Creator lets us.
Maybe I'll have some funny stuff later :-)
Hey Bitch. Ow!! That hurt when I said it. I guess you can call you a bitch, but I can't. It hurts too much.
I half way understand what you are talking about, because when my son was an infant, he was hungry all the time, I nursed him, and I felt like all I was was just a big boob and nothing else! LOL! I thought that defined me cuz that's all I did was feed my boy with my boob! Seriously, I know kind of what you mean although not totally.
I will speak for myself only, but maybe others feel the same way. I don't define you as a cancer patient. You are still "Meg, the bigger Who freak than me who I can't believe I met someone so nice on the computer who lives in my neighborhood who I hope to travel to Boston to see the Who with!" Not "Meg the cancer patient". I am sorry if I made you feel that way.
What I see, from my perspective, is that my friend Meg, the bigger who freak....has just been hit with some horrible news that is bringing about a lot of stress in her life. Soon, she may not feel well physically either. She was sweet enough to share this news with me even though it is none of my business. She has asked for my prayers and I am not going to let her down. My friend has cancer and I hate cancer. It pisses me off and I am going to pull down all heaven by talking to God non-stop about it until He does something to fix it!
This news is new to you and it's new to me. It's a shock, so it's a topic of conversation. You started a blog specifically for this, so it's a topic of conversation. I care about you and wonder how you are doing, so I ask. If I didn't ask, how would you know I care?
No Meg, I don't define you by this because this cancer isn't going to be around long enough to define you. You, my friend, are in a battle, and I am there to fight it with you until it's gone!!!! That cancer does not belong in you so it's just gonna have to leave.
You're the greatest. Now many people say what they really mean, but you are genuine. I appreciate that.
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